Another Revelation

A little while back, I had a revelation that I shared on this website: Dogs Should Not Drive.   (Look it up if you don't believe me).   Today while I was on my walk, I had another revelation.  However, I'm going to be cruel and not tell you what it is just now.

A couple of weeks ago, I also told you about my unprecedented and amazing success at repairing my own car!  I was giddy.  Naturally, I built it up real big in the post.  I had changed the blower on my car.  This allowed me to have AC, vents, and heat!  Did I mention that I was giddy?  Looking back, it seems my accomplishment was really not that big of a deal.  Oh sure, there were an amazing number of important steps that had to be done just right or the car could have exploded (ed. note: this is hyperbole), but really, taking an honest look at things with the perspective a couple of weeks can bring - the repair could be distilled down to 3 screws and a plug.  It's not like I put new pistons in or anything.

Still, I was proud...very proud...too proud.  Pride comes before the fall, you know.  Last week, the blower started making a little noise. 

Uh oh.   

I figured maybe a little innocent leaf was sucked in there or something.  I ignored the little noise.  A day later, the little noise was a little noisier.  So, in my best auto-mechanic voice I said, "Why I'm just going to turn the fan all the way up and blow that little leaf out of there!"

So I did.

Immediately, thick black smoke rolled into the car from my vents.

Uh oh!

You are probably thinking that this is the point in the story where I had this great revelation and that I'm about to tell you what it is.  YOU ARE WRONG!  I didn't really have any revelation at this particular moment.   Things seemed pretty obvious to me...and probably anyone else in the area...so I'm not going to count this as a revelation.  Revelations take time.  Anyway, I do pride myself at being calm under pressure.  The longer you read this blog, the more you'll probably find out about this.  I have a lot of pressure.   This situation was no different, I remained calm.   Due largely to the now immense, cabin filling cloud of black - and smelly - smoke, I deduced the obvious:

MY CAR WAS ON FIRE!!!  (and yes, I do think that three whole exclamation points are merited here).

As I said, I remained calm.   I didn't even slow down the car.  This probably amused any bystanders that were watching.  I can imagine them thinking, "doesn't he know his car is on fire?"  I don't actually know if there were bystanders...I couldn't see out my windows.   I'm just theorizing what a bystander might have said.  Anyway, as I mentioned, I remained perfectly calm.   I quickly turned off the fan and opened my window, and made a left turn onto the next street...all at the same time.   Yep, I'm quite the driver!

This is still not the point where I had my revelation.  Keep reading.  Reading is good for you.

A prudent person would probably have pulled the car over...just to check that it wasn't totally engulfed in flames or anything.  I am not prudent.  I am an adventurer, a free spirit, a "grab life by the horns" type of person.  A DAREDEVIL. (Whoops, I accidentally started channeling "The Dead Milkmen" there.  The song is "Stuart."  Look it up.)   I should mentioned that when the raging inferno started, I was just leaving work.  Work is 22 miles from home.   I decided that despite the possibility that my car would explode at any moment - I could make it home.

I did.

The car didn't explode, nothing happened other than I nearly sweat to death without my fan.  I also ended up making the needed repairs over the weekend.  This is also not the point where I had my revelation. Revelations take time.

Today, I was on my walk.  I had my revelation.  I was thinking about my car, and the first repair, and the car fire, and the next repair and it was then, at that moment that I had my revelation:

THIS IS WHY I AM NOT AN ASTRONAUT!!!

There are perhaps dozens of other good reasons why I am not an astronaut, but certainly chief among them must be my experience with "repairing" my own car.  You see, astronauts can't just pull the space station up to a mechanic when their Tang percolator is on the fritz.  They have to make the repair themselves.  You cannot have people in space that take a very basic, 3 screws and a plug type of repair and turn it, somehow, into a raging inferno that threatens their lives!

In many ways, this revelation is something of a relief to me.  At my steadily advancing age, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I can now safely, and without looking back, cross "Astronaut" off my list.   I am at peace with this decision.  With two brilliant, life-changing, important revelations in as many weeks, I'm adding another possibility - "Mystic."

Life is good.

Comments

[Mel]

I'm thinking that a few blog posts later you may be crossing auto mechanic off your list, too! You were lucky! My dh did the sprinkler thing, too. He flooded our new room. Lovely.