If you have been visiting this blog for long, you know that I am a person of rare and abundant talent. If you are new here, and there has been a rapidly increasing number of readers, then you have some catching up to do! I suppose if I got my act together and tagged all the posts, it would make it easier for you to navigate, but as it now stands you'll just have to read...and read...and read. Sorry.
Let's get back to my amazing talent(s). This is a blog about my life, after all. A small amount of narcissism is allowed...perhaps even expected. But, let's move on to the first thing that you don't know about me:
I have the ability to calm the savage beast.
Yes, it's true. Pretty much all animals instantly love me. I don't know why...unless I smell like a raw steak or something. Let me give some examples.
When I graduated from college, I bought a cat to go with my apartment. This cat was ferocious. She LOVED to attack items around the apartment, my poodle (which didn't work out too well...her claws kept getting tangled in curly poodle hair - so they eventually became friends, instead), and particularly people that came to the apartment. Many a poor soul stopped by and would say things like, "look at the cute kitty!" Then they'd reach their hand down to give the cute kitty a little pet, and the carnage would begin. She was like the killer rabbit in Monty Python.
When she went on these rampages, the only way to calm her down would be for me to reach into the middle of the little ball of fury, and pick her up. She would instantly relax. It's the same way today, and she is going on 18 years old.
I have multiple cat examples I could share (with other cats), so let's move onto dogs. My next door neighbor picked up a stray dog. It was pretty big, and appeared as if it had been abused. It would very fiercely bark at anyone coming by the yard. It was also scared of lawnmowers. One day, I was mowing the lawn and the dog leaped up and bit me, when I passed by the fence. I won this dog over with giant milkbones. A single giant milkbone is all it took. I became the ONLY person who could walk into the neighbors yard, if they weren't out, without being attacked by this dog.
This rare ability with savage beasts goes all the way back to my childhood. Age 5, as a matter of fact.
I was playing on my patio one day, when I noticed a young Robin on the other side of the patio, chirping away. I started imitating the chirping. The bird responded. Whoa, cool! I kept this up and the bird gradually hopped closer and closer to me. So I thought, "I could feed this bird something!" I got some bread from my Mom, returned to the patio, and amazingly could get the Robin closer and closer to me. Eventually, the bird either took the bread from me, or came VERY close and picked it off the ground. I don't remember.
I named the bird "Hoppy." You see? Even at 5 I was a creative genius! I should write about that talent someday. Anyway, for the next day or so, I'd walk around looking for this bird. My bird. My bird "Hoppy." I don't think I had much success finding the bird, but it has remained one of my favorite childhood memories. Below is an actual picture, of me as an actual 5-year old (circa 1971), feeding the actual "Hoppy." The black and white is not for artistic emphasis, this was genuine black and white film!
How does this relate to savage beasts? Don't you know anything about birds? THEY ARE FREAKY SCARY!!!! Yes. They have those razor sharp talons and the beak...do I have to go on about the beak? Birds would just as soon kill you as look at you! It's true! They are practically designed to rip your flesh and peck your eyes out! A bird could jump up on your face, latch on and....well, this is a family friendly blog, so I won't go on.
I calmed this savage beast, and I have photographic evidence. That is all I need to say.
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