Friday Night Fun! (part 2 - The Grocery Store)

The fun continues...

In yesterday's installment, we learned the following:

1) I'm very busy.

2) I panic if the grass doesn't get cut on Friday night.

3) To avoid #2, I will even cut the grass in the deepening night and the front line of a major thunderstorm.

4) I look forward to my Mario Kart night all week long.

5) My wife and daughter, while I was cutting the grass in the dark and rain, ate my snacks I had purchased for Mario Kart!

Let me just back up the story a paragraph and rejoin it, already in progress...

...fate had other plans for me, since I walked into the house to find my wife and "sick" daughter, sitting on the living room floor EATING MY MARIO KART MUNCHIES AND DIP!!!!

ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!????!!!!", I politely asked.

"What does it look like we are doing?" they very snarkily replied.

"Eating my Mario Kart Munchies!" I exclaimed.  I was amazed this didn't make more sense to them.

"Are we not allowed to eat these?" they asked.

"DOES IT SAY 'FAMILY SIZE' ON THE BAG?" I quizzed.  "NO IT DOES NOT! Plus, if Rebecca is sick, then she is sticking her sick hands into that bag.  You will be sick, too."

"Ewwww", my wife said.

"Well, I'm going to the store to get another bag."

And off I went.  It was raining, of course, and pretty hard, too, due to it being a thunderstorm. However, I needed to be ready for Mario Kart!  Priorities, people!  Clearly, I couldn't return to Walgreens to get another bag, because seriously, they'd think I ate the previous bag and was back for more, so I went to Shop 'n' Save instead.

While there, I decided I would also get another bottle of wine, since they had some good sales on Yellow Tail varietals, which I find both inexpensive and pleasing to the palate.  So, I grabbed my bag of chips and bottle of wine and headed for the self-check.

It was closed.

I picked what seemed like the shortest line, and let me tell you, short is a relative word at Shop 'n' Save. I always get behind someone who is paying with at least three different payment methods, usually ending with coins from the bottom of the purse, so they don't have to break a twenty!   Right before it was my turn, some, um, interesting people piled their groceries on the little conveyor belt behind behind my two items.  Their groceries were similar to mine, except they had a couple of bags of chips, and two 12-packs of beer that looked like it might be in the $3.00 range...for the 12. 

Ewwwww.

The woman looked normal enough for a 60 year old, though I suspected she was more around 35. Hard life. I get it. The guy was much more interesting.  It was impossible to tell the age of him, as his entire face was covered in a long, tangled, ZZ-top beard.  I thought there might have been a small finch living in one section of it.  Something was moving in there, at least! He had a snaggle-tooth, and a few others.  There was an actual spider web matted in his hair on his head.  It had a spider in it.

IT WAS ALIVE.

(Sorry about the spider reference Abunslife and Nathan!)

I tried not to stare, but come on, sights like this don't occur naturally.  Usually, there is a makeup and props department involved.  I looked around, but didn't see any cameras.  I hoped the spider wasn't one of those jumping spiders.  As for the interesting people, they didn't seem to notice me...but they noticed my groceries.

"Look at what he's buying", the women said in a voice that was clearly intended to be a whisper, but instead rattle off the gum and magazine rack.

"SNORT" went the man.  I think sawdust flew out of his beard when he snorted, though it may have just been normal dust...or dried up bits of previous snack and beer runs. I took it this meant he was also amused by my Yellow Tail Merlot and Ruffles combination.  I found it hard to believe that snaggle-tooth, spider-web head thought my selection was somehow inferior and even laughable compared to their generic chips and el-cheepo beer selection, but hey, to each their own, right?

The cashier smirked.

I assumed she was smirking at the guy with the spider living in his hair.  She rang out my groceries and barely choked out, "Have a great night!"  The snaggle-tooth man and his wife giggled up a veritable pig-pen storm of debris.

Oh. My. Gosh. She was one of THEM.  Snaggle-tooth, finch in the beard, spider in the head, sawdust snorting people were all around me!!!!

I decided not to explain how my loving family stole my Mario chips and I needed the wine as dinner wine backup. Nope.  I'm better than that. Let them laugh.  At least I apparently provided a ray of sunshine in their otherwise (clearly) bizarre life.

Besides, that night was Mario Kart night!  The best night of the week!

Life is good!

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Editor's note: There is still more to tell! The final installment of this tale will either be tomorrow, or we'll take a break for Wordless Wednesday and finish up on Thursday.  It's hard to tell.  I have no control over the staff here at "One Dad's Life!"

Comments

[dianne]

That Shop and Save is ...ahem...interesting to say the least. Did he really have a spider in his hair? I don't think I would have been able to handle that.

[Gregg]

Yep. Spider. Crawling. In a web.

I couldn't tell if he had just run INTO the web, or if it had been built there intentionally, though! :)

[Courtney]

This is why my husband does the grocery shopping (thank goodness!). Once he did see a 'chick fight' at Shop n Save. Weave was everywhere. He said it was the most exciting trip to the store he's ever had.

[Kathy G]

I think I saw that couple at the graduation I went to on Sunday!

[Nathan]

I can't believe there was actually a spider in his hair. I suggest shopping at Whole Foods from now on. Hippees are much safer entertainment.

[razinkids]

I have the privilege of shopping at that same SnS, and there is always a GREAT story to relate to my DH when I return home. If you want even MORE great material....BETTER than the stuff you get from our local SnS, please visit the Wal Mart at 255 and Telegraph soon...if you dare!

[megscole64]

This is so funny. Great story! :) I find interesting folks like this at the local Walmart a lot.

[philippine groceries]

Good to know that I do not make the groceries.

Jason Zenteno