One Dad's Life

I Don't Understand Dogs

The title says it all, actually.  I could just as easily say I don't understand women...which I don't...and I have examples...LOTS of examples.  This is a bad situation for me as I'm living in a house with ME, my wife, and two daughters. Between the humans and the dog, I'm in trouble.

I don't understand dogs. 

My dog is very....um, how to say it....prissy.  Yet, she is still a dog.

Almost immediately upon getting this dog, we realized that she does not like water.  In particular, she does not like water that comes in the form of rain.  Fine.  I can understand that.  If my family made me go stand out in the rain, I wouldn't like it either.  The problem is that she doesn't like to go out in the rain EVEN IF SHE REALLY HAS TO "GO!" 

If you are keeping track of the implications of this, you already know that this is bad.

Fortunately, for the dog, she has a backup plan for "going" in the rain.  Unfortunately for ME, it involves my office.  Yeah. Bad dog. BAD bad BAD dog! So, we've become very adept at getting the dog out in the yard in-between rain.  Some weeks in Spring in St. Louis, this is a real challenge.

Lately, this seems to have become even more challenging, as even letting her out for a significant period of time has not prevented the use of the doggie backup plan.  Remember, that plan involves my office. Bad dog. BAD bad BAD dog!  While this has proved both puzzling and a more than a trifle annoying, we have been able to execute a backup plan of our own.  The cute wittle puppie wuppie spends a lot of the time while we are gone on the back porch!

HA!  See what having opposable thumbs gets you?  We're crafty!

The situation has become so bad that if it is even MISTING, or the grass is DAMP, the dog will not "go."  I've let her out in the morning, just to watch her sit down in the precise spot I hooked her to her lead (no fence...and dog likes to chase things) where she will remain....for HOURS, if necessary, refusing to "go."

Eventually, she will curl up in the wet grass she cannot bring herself to "go" in, which makes even less sense to me as she is now even wetter.  In fact, one recent morning, she ran out (obviously needing to "go" badly), squatted down, noticed the wet grass, hopped right back up AND PROCEEDED TO WIPE HER LITTLE DOGGY BOTTOM ON THE SHORT WEEDS IN OUR "DRIVEWAY."  (Note: we have a gravel driveway, with swing sets in it.  The bermuda grass grows just fine there, resisting everything we do to it! Apparently, it is there as doggy toilet paper).

She still refused to go.

This is the SAME dog that believes the cat litter boxes are a smorgasbord of heavenly deserts.  Also, she is half lab. Labs LOVE water.

I don't understand dogs.

I'm guessing this problem is going to continue throughout the spring, as long as my tall fescue grows like kudzu.  You just about cannot keep up with it even if you mow continuously.  

Perhaps I'll have to mow a section of the lawn daily, so that the grass growing at kudzu speeds, dampened by the Spring rain, will not upset my cat poop-eating dog's delicate derrierre!

How's that for crafty?

Top Ten Ways to Drive the Pets Crazy!

One of the joys of pet ownership is doing things to drive your pets crazy. This is very similar to one of the joys of being a parent (driving your kids crazy), but with tighter state and federal regulations.  So, here is a list of the top ways to drive your pet crazy:

1. Sit very very still, and just stare at them.*
2. Set a brand new bag of food out, but don't open it. Use the last of the old bag in the container, first. My dog once laid on the kitchen floor staring at the bag of food ALL NIGHT.
3. Hang bird feeders just outside your windows.
4. Imitate every thing they do!*
5. Pretend like you don't understand what they are telling you.*
6. Grow an extremely large pecan tree, which attracts every squirrel in a 5 mile radius. Tie the dog up JUST OUT OF REACH of the tree.
7. Continuously put on and take off your shoes.  My dog thinks that every time there is a change of footwear, it means we are going somewhere!
8. If you are watching TV. Act like you are getting off the couch. My cat takes this as a sign you are going to feed her at night. Immediately jump back on the couch.
9. Disguise your cat as another cat. Sit her in front of a mirror.
10. Laser pointers. Do I need to say more? *

* Note: items marked with an "*" are also excellent ways to drive your kids crazy. In fact, until I realized this point, the post was really pretty lame. By adding the bonus "also works on the kids" portion, things were really livened up, I think!

I Think the Cat is Trying to Tell Me Something

Recently, I read somewhere (sorry, no time to look up my source), that cats only meow to humans.  This is interesting, since many cats are so very vocal, you would think they somehow communicate with each other using the whole meow system. Apparently, there is another, super-secret, system they use to communicate.

Our eldest cat, Tiffany, is 18.  This is starting to get up there in cat years.  I also think she is getting a touch senile. 

Anytime we move around the house, particularly in the evening, she believes our sole purpose in moving must be to get her some more food.  Lately, this has become almost comical as anytime our feet touch the ground from the couch or other chair, the eagle-eyed cat jumps to action, meowing at us like crazy.  As a result, we tend to sit on the couch to watch movies or play video games with our feet up on the couch.

In fact, as I type this, I am sitting in my office chair with my feet crossed on the chair.  Tiffany is across the room, staring at me.  She's waiting for the feet to hit the ground.

This scenario plays out exactly like this, even if we had JUST fed her.

It seems that lately, this whole "it's time to feed me....NOW!" routine is getting worse.  If we get out of bed to use the bathroom, she'll barge into the bathroom howling away.  If we get out of bed to get a drink, the same.

Sometimes, I believe she imagines that a slight movement from us while we are sleeping indicates we are about to get up to feed her.  I imagine this because she will suddenly start howling at us in the middle of the night without us even touching the floor...just turning over.  It's kind of freaky that these animals are somewhat nocturnal...watching our every move while we sleep like that.  (shudder)

Recently, this night-time situation has seemed to escalate.  Apparently, I moved in my sleep one night, because in the back of my sleeping brain, I heard meowing near my head.  This went on for a while, but when I didn't respond to the frantic feline, she stepped up the attention grabbing tactics JUST A TOUCH:

She started chucking all the books, pictures, and other associated nightstand articles...including my rubber ducky...off the nightstand and sent them crashing to the floor.  She even broke a sand-sculpture picture frame my daughters had given me.  My slippers filled with sand and everything.

I know that my cat is trying to tell me something, but let me assure you...when this happened at three in the morning...I started telling my cat something!

Photo note:  Yes, I know the highlights are blown out! However,  I didn't have time to take the exposure that was exposed for the hightlights and fix it so you could still see the cat.  That involves layers and masks and a process that is still new to me in GIMP.  So live with it!  Click the photo for slightly larger version.

Battle with the Birds - an update

3 days.  3 birds.

Score:

Cat: 3   Birds: 0

Gregg: -3 (has to clean up remains of the losing bird(s) from his floor!)

Another Sure Sign Of Spring

Well, Monday marked yet another of the milestones of Spring in our household.  Our cat, the queen of the household, was on the hunt.   I'm never really very clear as to how this happens, I mean, don't birds fly?  I'm pretty sure that cats don't fly.  Even if this particular cat once could fly, I doubt she can now.  She is nearly 18 years old!

Yet, there it was, the bounty of my cat's first Spring hunt...a dead bird on the floor of my office.  Isn't nature a wonderful thing?

How to Eat Like a Dog

We have three non-caged creatures living in our house - although research is starting to indicate that perhaps they should be caged.   Two are cats, one is a dog.  There is not a single paring of them that actually gets along.  In fact, they literally fight like cats and dogs...and frequently like cats and cats. 

However, as soon as we are not looking or we leave the house, these same war-like creatures will cast aside their differences and unite in peace and harmony to serve a single higher purpose:

TO GET THE HUMAN'S FOOD OUT OF THE CABINETS!

Yes, the cats will even jump on the counter, open the cabinet doors, climb the shelves, and pass any food-like substance down, bucket-brigade style, to the dog.  They will leave no cabinet unopened. They will even empty trashcans.  Then they will all merrily have a glorious feast together, toasting their good fortune.

And I figured that we were safe not having child locks on the cabinets with our youngest being six!

It could be worse, though. I happened to see a video on "America's Funniest Home Videos" the other day that featured a dog trying to break into the refrigerator.   The owners had literally bungee-corded (new verb!) the refrigerator door shut, but the dog continued to try to get in the door.

Last Sunday, when we returned home from church, we were met with the evidence of a recent feast to end all feasts in the house.  This evidence included one very sheepish dog who, due to the vast scale of the mess, couldn't pretend like nothing had happened while we were away.

I don't think anything else needs to be said.  The pictures speak for themselves.

Introducing Maggie

Since a surprising number of you are actually reading this on a nearly daily basis (God love you!), I thought I would introduce another family member to you.  This is our dog, Maggie.

  I know, I know.  I can almost hear the collective groan. "Another pet posting?" (Yep, but my first ever)  "Why does everyone who gets a 10 cent blog have to post pictures of their pets?" (Science may never know) "Do they let just anyone have a blog these days?" (As a matter of fact, yes.)

If you are an animal lover, you'll understand.  If you are really put off by this post, please come back tomorrow.  I promise I won't mention pets at all.  However, this dog, Maggie, will be the dog that our two girls, age 6 and 11, will end up remembering as "their dog" when they grow up.  As such, Maggie holds a significant place in our family.

We had a cute little miniature poodle before Maggie.  He was over 18 years old when he died, but the years he was around along with the kids, he wasn't too inclined to play for more than a minute and slept most of the time.  When that dog died, I figured we wouldn't get another dog.  Having an old dog is a lot of work!  However, when I cried for about a week after he died, I knew I would be looking for another dog.

We casually looked at pounds and such, but nothing really jumped out at us.  One weekend we saw this dog.  She was from the Franklin County Shelter, but was in the Sunset Hills Petsmart for one of those weekend things.  She was very nervous in the cage and even when we took her outside for a little walk.  The thing that struck me, though, is that even in this upset state she completely allowed our little one to basically abuse her without even flinching.  At least we knew she would be good around kids.  She was already getting used to us, and when we started to take her back inside, she really resisted.

Well, we adopted her, and the pound was overjoyed.  They were afraid because of her age (7 at the time) that she would be hard to adopt.  While she has been a challenge in some areas:  She is part lab and part beagle, so she is hunting dog SQUARED and she'll chase anything that moves.  She'll also tear anything apart that even remotely smells like a food flavoring, occasionally decides the basement offices are a bathroom, etc.  she is in fact a fantastic and perfect dog for the kids.  Come to think of it, she kind of acts like the kids.  Maybe that is why they get along so well!

She would rather be with the kids than anywhere else, and if they leave the house without her, she will watch out the door for them until they return.  She sleeps in the girls beds as well (which we allow) and typically doesn't get up until they do.  She loves all kids and will ignore adults if there are kids around.

She is also the softest adult dog I've pet.  I call her my "little brown dog" and I don't know what I'd do without her!

P.S.  Look at that fabulous lawn!  It sure doesn't look like that now, but that picture was taken in July so I have high hopes for later this fall and next year.  Over-seed now, gardeners.