One Dad's Life

Texting Madness

Last night, my entire family was out at a rehearsal for our current show, The Music Man, because every single last one of us does TOO MANY THINGS!  Oh, and it is also tremendous fun to put on musicals!  Anyway, we left our rehearsal and headed to Schnucks because we needed milk and wine.  Odd combination, I know, but I had some Eye of Round Roast waiting for me at home and it is against the laws of nature to eat that without a great red wine! (Unless, of course, your physiology or religion or denomination forbids it). 

Like usual, though, I've started blathering about all kinds of things I have no intention of talking further about...except the whole Music Man thing.  BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!  Around half the tickets are gone already.  Just saying.  It will be awesome!  I know these things.

Here is what I actually want to talk about today: Texting.

Nearly the moment my family got in the car, my wife and eldest daughter whipped out their phones like they were some kind of glow in the dark James Bond gadget and pretended to act surprised that they had text messages waiting for them!

I'm not buying the whole surprised thing...in particular for my daughter.  She had over 6000 text messages last month and she tries to tell me that is LOW.  If I had not started the unlimited text messaging thing on our lines, it would have cost me $1200.00!!!! That is not a small amount of money.  I could nearly purchase the David Gilmour Stratocaster for that kind of cash.  Also, the Stratocaster would last for longer than 10 seconds. It is therefore a bargain, by comparison. I should get one!

Now, I know that probably the majority of my daughter's texts probably go something like this:

Daughter (D): "Yo!"

Daughter's Friend (DF): "Yo!"

D: What you doin'?

DF: Nothing.

D: Same

DF: We're twins!

D: Yo!

DF: You rock!

D: I LUV U!!!

DF: Ditto!!!!

D: L8R!

DF: Yo!

But this doesn't explain what my wife could possibly be texting about.  Hopefully, it is not the same as my daughter (brilliantly illustrated above), but I do suspect it is all about one thing:

Twilight.

Yep. I'm sure she is totally texting about that singular craze of all teen girls and women in America. The whole Twilight "phenomenon."  (As an aside, do you know that a film is coming out and my wife actually said to me, "You aren't going to make me go to this by myself, are you!!!!????" - I was non-comittal.)   Let's listen in:

Wife:  Have you read Twilight, yet?

Wife's Friend:  Only 5 times, how about you?

W: I'm on my 4th.

WF:  I discover something new every time I read it!

W: Edmund is so DREAMY!  I wish my husband was more like him!

WF: True! True! LOL!!!

W: Are you going to go see the movie?  It will be great!

WF: Only if I can get my husband to go.  He's not like Edmund, though!

W: LOL!!!

WF: I'm going to text some of the HS girls I know and crush on Edmund now!

W: Great idea!  Did I say I wish my husband was more like him, 'cause I do!

WF: More men should be vampires.  That would rule.

W: Seriously.

WF: You rock!!!

W: I love you!!!

WF: Ditto!!!!

W: Talk to you later!

WF: Yo!

So, does this mean that all you women want us to be blood-sucking leaches that don't have a real job?  Is that what you want, because I could make that happen, I could!  Oh, and I know that his name is "Edward" and not "Edmund."  I did it wrong just to annoy you! Ha! Edmund is the spoiled kid from Narnia!  I know that!  I bet "Edward" didn't, though, 'cause he's fictional AND ISN'T REAL!!!! Plus, Anne Rice's vampires could totally kick his keister.

Seriously. 

I bet Anne Rice's vampires would never text anyone, either.

The Eric Clapton iPod Conspiracy

Well, I'm upset.

At the urging of fully one-half of the Internet, plus my wife, I was finally convinced that I wanted, nay, needed, an Apple iPod.  Grass-roots advertising, I suppose!  Naturally, if I was to get one, it would have to fit quite a lot of music on it, as I have a lot of CDs and also have a lot of core music that would always need to stay on the iPod for one reason or another. 

I began ripping music long before I purchased the iPod, so when I got the contraption, I'd have music ready to go.  I ended up purchasing the iPod Classic 160 GB player, and in short order had well over 10,000 songs transferred to it.  (The ripping and transferring process continues as we speak!)

10,000 songs is a lot of songs.  This is good!

Now, I most often use the iPod when I am out for walks.   I generally walk between 1.5 and 4.5 miles per day, so this translates into between 30 and 90 minutes of music listening time.  So far, so good.  I generally put the iPod in "shuffle" mode, which randomly plays songs from anywhere on the iPod.  After the third or fourth walk with the iPod, I noticed a disturbing trend:  The iPod, in shuffle mode, played a significant percentage of one particular artist.

That artist was Eric Clapton.

In fact, every time I went for a walk, I got at least one Eric Clapton song!  I have perhaps six Eric Clapton CDs on my iPod, and if you figure on 10 songs a CD, that is approximately one-half of one percent of the iPod that contains Eric Clapton.  If you are mathematically inclined, you can figure out that this is statistically unlikely.  Still, I can buy having a little streak of Eric Clapton being played.

Here's the kicker:  On a single 60 minute walk, I once had not just one statistically unlikely Eric Clapton song, but three (3) songs play from a singleEric Clapton CD!  The CD would mathematically make up less than one tenth  of one percent of the content of the iPod.  YET, I still got three songs from this single CD while in shuffle mode.

Even my skeptical mind knows a good conspiracy when it sees one!

Think about it. Companies and bands pay for product placement all the time.  How hard could it be for Eric Clapton, Inc. to pay Apple to predominately play his music, if it is on the iPod?  Please think about this! What are the chances of three songs from a single album being played in a single 60 minute period?

Clearly something is not right here. 

Today, as I was walking, another song started playing from the SAME ALBUM!

I turned the iPod off as quickly as I could.  What is with this Eric Clapton / iPod conspiracy?  I demand an explanation!  The free world (and portions of communist China) deserves an answer!

I'm waiting to hear from you, Eric Clapton and/or Apple!

What I don't get, and this may be the weak link in the conspiracy, is what Eric Clapton has to gain from his obvious manipulation of the iPod?  I already havethe CDs so that can't be it.  Of course I did enjoy the songs that were played.  As a complete aside, I'll have to say that I now enjoy the "Pilgrim" album much more and have gained even more appreciation for Clapton's guitar skills.  I will probably fill out my Clapton collection with more CDs that I have on vinyl so I can hear more of that Claptonny goodness on my walks.  But all of that is irrelevant to the topic at hand:

Just what is Clapton gaining from all of this?

Note: In case you missed it, yesterday I "guest posted" over at "A Bun's Life."   It's a mommy blog.  I'm a daddy blogger.  You don't want to miss this historic event.  Click here for the post!

What the heck is "Plurk?"

The St. Louis blogging crew got me to try out Twitter, and I have to admit (even after a series of posts on how I don't "get" Twitter) that it has been fun.  My twitter "handle" is "onedadslife", so my twitter page is www.twitter.com/onedadslife.  If you want to find this later, it's at the top right of this website, too.

Now, I'm not exactly certain I'm using it for the proper purposes, since I don't use it so much to stay in touch with people as I do to post goofy things that I deam too short for a "One Dad's Life" post.  BTW, have you seen "One Dad's Life?"  That blog rocks!

Here are some of my actual "tweets" from yesterday:

I drove to work today with a sign reading "The End Is Near" in my car window. I crack me up.

Someone replied, "Well as long as you are amusing somebody" Also, a lot of good has come from Twitter.  For example, when I "tweeted" the following:

I'm worried about @prologue. Last we heard she was having a fight with a fly...now...a chilling silence.

A city-wide search and rescue mission was kicked-off, well until everyone got tired and went to bed. Apparently, the concern of the Internet people only goes so far.  (It turns out she was fine, and even beat the fly the next day after getting a good night's rest!)

The point here is that I've gotten used to Twitter, and figured out how to annoy people with it.  Now it turns out everyone is moving over to something called "Plurk."  COME ON PEOPLE!!!  I know the internet age moves fast, but I just arrived at the party and everyone is leaving!

Author's note:  If you read yesterday's post, where I generously taught you how to write a brilliant "One Dad's Life" post all on your own, you learned my outline for nearly every post.  Just to keep you on your toes, I totally did not follow the outline today!  See, once you know the rules, you can break the rules!

Now on Twitter

Due to serious strong-arming by the other local bloggers, I'm now on twitter.

If you want to participate in my mental madness in 140 characters or less, go to http://twitter.com/onedadslife. 

May God help us all.

Pretend Twitter on a Blog

"I just watered my new annuals in the rain.  With a hose.  By hand.  You know, just to make sure."

Author's note:  This is an attempt to try out Twitter without actually trying out Twitter.  So far the experiment may have failed.  I still don't get it.  I  am actually afraid to try it for real because I might like it and then I won't be able to joke about it.  Plus, I'd end up spending all day writing stuff like the above.  Which I really did do, by the way.

The normal daily post is below.  Please read it so I can feel complete as a blogger.  Thanks!

Everyday Things I Don't Get

I'm pretty sure that I'm starting to show my age.  I'm not talking about physical characteristics, either.  I mean, there are plenty of such things to talk about, like how I suddenly can't see extremely small print in the darkness of a car on an unlit street while my daughter has read entire novels that way. Soon, I imagine, I'll be one of those people that can't figure out whether to look at something through, over, or under their glasses.

I'm not talking about music, either.  Although, just due to time, my musical knowledge is somewhat narrower than it should be, I can still appreciate most real new music.  (Much of the radio-fodder, I can live without!).  As I write this, I'm not sure what music I have listed on the left column, so it might just happen to be a stack of "classic" CDs I had on my desk the last time I actually updated the list.  But, I'm positive that at least half of the CDs are not in regular rotation, anywhere! In any case, I am totally not stuck with the music that was popular when I was in high school! New release Tuesday is still my favorite day of the week...though I generally don't get around to it until Thursday.

Also, before anyone asks, I can most certainly set the time on my VCR.

Here are a couple of modern marvels I just don't get.

1) Caplets vs. Tablets.   Seriously, what exactly is the difference here?  I can understand the possible difference with capsules - in theory, the outside dissolves quickly leaving gobs of the real medicine to dissolve directly into your bloodstream.  But, what is with caplets and tablets?  Isn't one just round and the other oblong?  Why don't they just go ahead an make them in the shape of the Flintstones?  Oh, wait, they can't do that because then the toddlers would want the pain relievers, and as we know, only toddlers can easily open the average child-proof cap.  I think every drug company is coming up with a bigger varieties of SHAPES, just so that when you walk into the store, their brand takes up more shelf space. 

2) Twitter.  OK, blogging I get.  I mean, I have one going pretty good here.  Of course, I started this in part because I was starting to feel a little guilty for leaving such long comments on Dana's blog.  Oh, and please click on her link A LOT, because it turns out she is like the blogging goddess in St. Louis, and maybe she'll notice you came from here and grant me three wishes!  Or, maybe that would make her the blogging fairy or blogging genie.  Whatever. I figured I was clearly looking for some kind of public validation, which is kind of weird for a card-carrying introvert, so here we are!  The problem I have with twitter is I can't figure out why I'd want to publicize my movements and current activities.  Of course, if you read this post (click for the link), you'll find that I essentially have twitter-like conversations using email with a very localized audience...at work.  Maybe I am starting to get twitter.

3) Texting.  OK, I barely get why my cell-phone has to have a camera that takes pictures that look like everything is underwater, much less why I have to be able to send messages just using the 0, and 1-9 buttons!  Typing is hard enough on a QWERTY keyboard, much less on a phone dial. (For you youngsters, the numbers on phones used to actually be a dial.  It was slow. And really cool.  Before that, there were cranks - though I'm not sure how that worked, exactly. Sometimes, you'd even pick up your phone and a stranger would already be talking on it. It was called a "party line", though it was rarely an actual party before you get too excited.  There are many cases where rude "parties" would not give up the line for a true emergency.  Now we all have 2 or 3 phone numbers. Plus email. See how spoiled we are?

4) Facebook.  I'm really just putting this in because my wife is in the other room working on her facebook page that her students in choir convinced her to make.  She's addicted.  I don't know anything about it, but she is afraid I'm going to make fun of her on "One Dad's Life", which I could, and perhaps should, but I won't.  Besides, she's cute.  I want her to like me.  If I give you a note that says I like her, will you pass it on to her?

5) Typepad spell-check.  Real quick last second add.  I don't get why Typepad's spell check doesn't recognize the word "blogger."  Seems weird, doesn't it?  (for non-bloggers, Typepad is a hosted blogging platform...and where "One Dad's Life" is hosted - which may not be obvious now, since I have my own super-cool domain name!)

I could go on, but I think this is enough for you to digest at one sitting.   There can always be a part 2, right?  Also, this is the part where you can leave excessively long comments with your view.  Consider it payback time for all the long "comments" I've left on other local blogger's sites.

OK, Just Forget About Sleeping

Well, thanks to someone I'll call Courtney, because as far as I know that is actually her name, I will probably not be sleeping tonight.

In a recent post, she mentioned watching a bunch of movies on something called "Hulu."  Intrigued, yet clueless, I went to Wikipedia to find out more.  It turns out that "Hulu" is actually www.hulu.com, which is a TV and movie "On Demand" website.

Oh, and it's free.   

Dads love On-Demand TV.  I love it on Charter, and I recently discovered that www.nbc.com and other networks also have free on demand.  This is cool.  I have a theory as to why I love On Demand things so much.  Here's the theory:

I'm a married father of two daughters and I also have two cats and a dog.  If there is anything that will actually do what I want it to, I'm going to be pretty excited about that!   "Hulu" does what I want. 

Between On Demand cable, On Demand internet video, and an abundance of online On Demand video games and music, I don't really see any reason to sleep!  If only I could get rid of that pesky job...or more specifically, the need for that pesky job!