Last night, my entire family was out at a rehearsal for our current show, The Music Man, because every single last one of us does TOO MANY THINGS! Oh, and it is also tremendous fun to put on musicals! Anyway, we left our rehearsal and headed to Schnucks because we needed milk and wine. Odd combination, I know, but I had some Eye of Round Roast waiting for me at home and it is against the laws of nature to eat that without a great red wine! (Unless, of course, your physiology or religion or denomination forbids it).
Like usual, though, I've started blathering about all kinds of things I have no intention of talking further about...except the whole Music Man thing. BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! Around half the tickets are gone already. Just saying. It will be awesome! I know these things.
Here is what I actually want to talk about today: Texting.
Nearly the moment my family got in the car, my wife and eldest daughter whipped out their phones like they were some kind of glow in the dark James Bond gadget and pretended to act surprised that they had text messages waiting for them!
I'm not buying the whole surprised thing...in particular for my daughter. She had over 6000 text messages last month and she tries to tell me that is LOW. If I had not started the unlimited text messaging thing on our lines, it would have cost me $1200.00!!!! That is not a small amount of money. I could nearly purchase the David Gilmour Stratocaster for that kind of cash. Also, the Stratocaster would last for longer than 10 seconds. It is therefore a bargain, by comparison. I should get one!
Now, I know that probably the majority of my daughter's texts probably go something like this:
Daughter's Friend (DF): "Yo!"
D: What you doin'?
DF: Nothing.
D: Same
DF: We're twins!
D: Yo!
DF: You rock!
D: I LUV U!!!
DF: Ditto!!!!
D: L8R!
DF: Yo!
But this doesn't explain what my wife could possibly be texting about. Hopefully, it is not the same as my daughter (brilliantly illustrated above), but I do suspect it is all about one thing:
Yep. I'm sure she is totally texting about that singular craze of all teen girls and women in America. The whole Twilight "phenomenon." (As an aside, do you know that a film is coming out and my wife actually said to me, "You aren't going to make me go to this by myself, are you!!!!????" - I was non-comittal.) Let's listen in:
Wife's Friend: Only 5 times, how about you?
W: I'm on my 4th.
WF: I discover something new every time I read it!
W: Edmund is so DREAMY! I wish my husband was more like him!
WF: True! True! LOL!!!
W: Are you going to go see the movie? It will be great!
WF: Only if I can get my husband to go. He's not like Edmund, though!
W: LOL!!!
WF: I'm going to text some of the HS girls I know and crush on Edmund now!
W: Great idea! Did I say I wish my husband was more like him, 'cause I do!
WF: More men should be vampires. That would rule.
W: Seriously.
WF: You rock!!!
W: I love you!!!
WF: Ditto!!!!
W: Talk to you later!
WF: Yo!
So, does this mean that all you women want us to be blood-sucking leaches that don't have a real job? Is that what you want, because I could make that happen, I could! Oh, and I know that his name is "Edward" and not "Edmund." I did it wrong just to annoy you! Ha! Edmund is the spoiled kid from Narnia! I know that! I bet "Edward" didn't, though, 'cause he's fictional AND ISN'T REAL!!!! Plus, Anne Rice's vampires could totally kick his keister.
Seriously.
I bet Anne Rice's vampires would never text anyone, either.
I don't get texting. That must be proof I'm getting old.
Posted by: zookeeper | October 28, 2008 at 08:50 AM
I luv me some vampire fiction but for some reason I haven't read any of those books. Oh, I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually but for now I'll pass. In the meantime, I sure feel like an outsider for not having read them.
Posted by: Susan | October 28, 2008 at 01:33 PM
haha. we weren't texting about twilight!it was about being busy and rebuilding a wall in your kitchen. :D
Posted by: hannah | October 28, 2008 at 04:47 PM
FYI the text that night was an on-going debate between four of my friends and me about the Presidential Election! Yeah everyone really underestimates what is going on in the mind of teens these days don't they!
Posted by: Rebecca | October 28, 2008 at 09:55 PM
Ok, I'm about to sell out the sisterhood here. I just read Twilight and the second book. Not a fan. I know a number of women, my age and older who LOVE these books. I'm sorry, they're just not good. I'm going to continue on because I hear that the most recent book is a trainwreck and I'm kind of looking forward to that.
But this is my new favorite thing: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16622096
Sorry sisters, I got on the Harry Potter train but Twilight? No thanks. And the film looks even worse because then you can actually see and hear the terrible terrible writing.
Posted by: kim | October 28, 2008 at 11:51 PM
ok, so I had to ask about this "Twilight" novel and according the Hannah I am the ONLY girl who hasn't read it or heard of it. I guess I am living under a rock.
Posted by: Sarah Kempf | October 29, 2008 at 04:21 PM
yes sarah, you must be! i could not believe you hadnt even heard of it!! i was totally amazed.
Posted by: hannah | October 29, 2008 at 09:27 PM
Just to save you from the horror, I will go with Dianne to see Twilight. ;)
Posted by: Bri | October 30, 2008 at 01:50 PM
I laughed my way through this entire post. I especially enjoyed the twilight part. Having not read the Twilight series, I felt a little judgemental at first. I thought it was funny that a married woman with children had a crush on a teenage vampire until I remembered my whole obsession with the Weasly twins from Harry Potter.
I shared this post with the teenage college students I work with and one of the girls actually said, "Yeah! Twilight Moms are totally weird!"
That just made me laugh harder. When she's in her 30s she may understand...
Posted by: rachel | November 05, 2008 at 03:11 PM