Well, what a week it has been! It's been busy and all, because reality finally caught up with me and I had to return to that full-time job thing. Um, meh.
But in other news, for nearly the past week, I can now see unicorns! That has been so much better than that job thing.
Like I said. What a week it has been. To get the details, you'll have to read this. Did you read the comments? Because, if you didn't, then you still won't understand. Read it now - WITH the comments. The truth is finally revealed in the comments. Read it now. I'll wait.
Pretty amazing, huh? Last week, I didn't even think that unicorns existed, but it turns out they do.
I couldn't wait to tell people. If you could finally see unicorns, you'd be telling people, too! So, I decided to tell my oldest daughter, first. I figured she would be excited, being a girl and really liking things like princesses, magical lands, unicorns, and the color purple. Her response, well, it was less than I expected. A LOT less.
"That's nice, Dad."
I told my wife. She laughed. LAUGHED. I got the impression that she wasn't laughing with me in a joyous way or anything. SHE thought I was crazy. Can you imagine?
In fact, everywhere I went I met similar reactions. I was even told that I had an active imagination.
Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW what an active imagination is. I was once told to imagine people naked when you were doing public speaking, so I did that once. No one I met had any clothes on for an entire WEEK! I know. This sounds good, right? Let me assure you that it is not. People NEVER look as good as you'd think. I'm still trying to erase the memory. Even now, I have occasional relapse. Fortunately, though, now it only goes down to seeing people in their underwear. MUCH, better, though a few of you are making some real questionable choices. Just saying. In any case, this time it is REAL.
I even told people at work. I'm with them every day. They KNOW I'm not nuts, I figured.
However, they were....um....skeptical.
So, now I'm working on plans to catch a unicorn. This is difficult, as I believe they are actually magical creatures. I'll need to either make a magical net, or maybe find some magical carrots to tame them with. Of course, THEN what to do?
It somehow seems crass or something to actually RIDE a unicorn. I mean, they are relatively small compared to most horses, and very graceful. If you can imagine me perched on top of one, well, it just doesn't work. That's almost as awkward as that whole seeing people naked thing.
So, I thought of having a unicorn chariot built. This was harder than you'd think. Not that many chariots have been made since that movie Ben Hur. So, after some searching (the Yellow Pages do not have a section on "chariots", btw), I finally came up with a company that is willing to build me a unicorn chariot. They haven't actually built any chariots, yet, but they haven't had a lot of work since Wagon's East, so they are hungry for work! In fact, they are so excited to get a quote together for me that they were positively GIGGLING. In fact, almost everything I told them about the unicorns and what I wanted in a unicorn chariot made them giggle all the more.
It's so nice to be able to make people happy like that! I can't wait to get my quote from them.
Once the chariot is in my possession and find a way to catch a couple of these beautiful creatures, I'll show all you doubters, I will. Then you'll be sorry, YES YOU WILL.
NO CHARIOT RIDES FOR YOU!
Besides, I can see you in your underwear. I wouldn't be laughing if I was you.
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