One Dad's Life

Quote of the Day - Last official 8 year old quote

Saturday, one day before Rachel turned 9, I got at least one more memorable quote out of her 8-year old mind.  We discussing something, when out of the blue she said,

"You know, when I'm remembering something, I usually say 'I remember it like it was last week', or sometimes 'I remember it like it was last month.' "

She continued, "I very rarely say 'I remember it like it was yesterday' because I remember yesterday VERY clearly, and usually things that happen a while ago aren't so clear.  So, I say 'I remember it like it was last week' instead.  That's funny, don't you think?' "

Yes.  Yes I do!

Wordless Wednesday - My Biggest Treasure

Eight years ago, approximately, when my second daughter was born, we invented a new "holiday" for our family - "Sister's Day."   We figured since Mother's Day was in May, Father's Day in June, that July was the perfect time for "Sister's Day."  So, the third Sunday in July, our daughters exchanged gifts for "Sister's Day." 

Our youngest daughter attached this note to her older sister's gift this year.

 

BTW, there was some confusion over the exact weekend Sister's Day falls on.  I always thought it was the third Sunday, my beautiful and talented wife Dianne thought it was the second Sunday.  So, if anyone has extra time and wants to go back in my archives to find out when exactly "Sister's Day" is supposed to be, please let me know, OK?

Parenting Success Story - Work is....Fun?

Our youngest daughter, Rachel, is a strong-willed child.  That can be a somewhat nice way to say she can be "disobedient."  You know - on occasion. Yesterday afternoon, by chance, Rachel and I had the afternoon to ourselves.  Rebecca (the elder) was out doing some important work on the economy at the mall, and Dianne was at a rehearsal for the musical "High Society."

While there were definitely things around the house that I really wanted to get done, I also had plans to hit the bicycle trail with Rachel.  Oh, and I also needed a brief nap. 

I set my alarm for about a 40 minute nap. 

Unfortunately, between Rachel singing impromptu versions of various musicals, playing YouTube at full blast, or my cat pawing at my face, I didn't get much of a nap.  Irritated, I decided WE were going to get some work done before there was any bike riding.  I knew that if I wasn't watching that kid closely, she'd CREATE additional work for me, while I was getting the things done that I was wanting to accomplish.  So, Rachel was going to be helping me.

I told her to get some clothes on suitable for working outside, and I changed as well.

When we went out, she said "I thought we were going on a bike ride?"   "We might", I said, "but only after we get some things done that I need to get done." 

"What are we going to do?" she asked.

"Well," I said, "we're going to cut up these branches in the driveway (leftover from a Mulberry bush trimming), dump these old hanging plants into the yard waste, recycle the baskets, clean out the trash can and yard waste area,  rake all the twigs and leaves out of the gravel driveway, and then get all the pots we've been collecting out of the garage, and sort them for recycling.

She looked horrified.

"What's the matter?", I asked her, "it will be fun!"

She groaned and slowly trudged down the back stairs.  Clearly, she didn't believe me.  "Work", you see, was something that was done when your parents were mad at you.  Probably all too frequently, we DO add chores when the kids are misbehaving.  While probably a good thing overall, I do wonder if it makes them equate work with punishment.  Which WOULDN'T be a good thing.

Well, it was hard keeping her on task, which extended the time the work took by a significant amount, but she did try her hand at cutting up the Mulberry branches with the tree saw, but found that too hard, and she filled a bunch of yard waste containers with the branches I cut up, as well as the general yard debris that had collected in that area of the driveway and trash can area.

Finally, we got to the pot sorting project.  We have been saving many of our plant pots for years, originally intending to either use the little 6-packs for growing our own seeds (never did), and then to take to the pot recycling at the Missouri Botanical Garden.  Somehow, we always missed the cutoff time, probably because we usually continue planting until late in the season.

I had her sorting the containers out in the driveway, while I happily threw all the containers I could find out over my head to her like Yoda going through Luke's supplies in the Dagobah System.  My instructions on how to sort them turned out to be too difficult for her, and honestly, it is confusing.  The pots are made from so many types of materials, and the garden wants them sorted into different categories.   So, I joined in the sorting efforts by container type and plastic type.  Pots that were #2 or #5 I stacked neatly together, and Rachel took care of plant trays, misc containers with no plastic type stamped on them, and all the 6-packs.

At one point during the sorting, Rachel burst out with "I never knew sorting these pots could be so much..." and then fell silent.  Was she just admitting that she was having fun? I think she was!  So I asked her what she was saying. "Nothing," came the hurried reply.  I pressed on...finally she admitted that yes, she was going to say how much fun WORKING on the driveway and the pots was.

Parenting success!

After we were done, and had stacked all of our pots and trays into the van, she had to have Dianne (the beautiful wife) come and see all the work we had done.  I am such a good parent!

Well, we never did get out on that bike ride. The slow initial pace of Rachel had pretty much killed that plan, as well as some more "strong-will" during the bathing stage of the evening.  But she HAD ultimately worked hard, so I did read to her the next chapter in "The Magician's Nephew" even though it was past her bedtime.

This week, I think I'll teach her about plumbing!

And Some Posts Just Write Themselves!

One of the truly great things for a parent, if you have more than one kid and they are separated by a few years, occurs when the first child hits the teen years, believe it or not.  What is this great thing?  Why it's built-in baby-sitting, of course!

Our daughters are approximately six years apart, so we have the perfect baby-sitting situation.  This is very useful, due to all the rehearsals, performances and other similar events that my wife and I have.  It's nice that the youngest can get in bed on time (if it is a night-time event) and they would BOTH rather not be tagging along for these things, in general.

A couple of years ago, we made a deal with Rebecca that if she could be a baby-sitter on demand, we'd let her have unlimited texting on her phone.  Good deal, right?  Answer: yes it is!  No driving to get a baby-sitter, no pestering relatives to watch the kids, and no kids missing bedtimes! 

This ideal situation we have is not perfect, however.  The two are BOTH incredibly dramatic, which, while useful in musicals and plays and such, is not such a great help at home.  Additionally, they both revel in getting on each other's nerves and generally making things difficult on each other. 

One of the neat things that Rachel, the younger, does EVERY SINGLE TIME WE ARE GONE PAST HER BEDTIME, is manufacture a crying fit at bedtime, because she "misses her Mommy."   

Since she has begun to learn that whole reading and writing thing, she often leaves notes for Dianne, outlining the entire situation.  While I'm certain that Rebecca is not the model of niceness to her while we are gone (as she certainly is not while we are home!), the notes crack me up.  Today, for your viewing and reading pleasure, I publish the latest such note! (click on the note for a better view)

 

In case you are having trouble with the creative spelling, I will now translate for you (text in parenthesis is added by me):

Dear Mom,

Rebecca won't let me call you. (good!) I've been crying for a long time and since I am crying so much, my face is turning very red! (notice: she had enough time in the little show to check out her own face) Next time, I want you to take me.

Love,

Rachel.

P.S. Come down soon (her room is in the basement and she always wants us to come and see her as soon as we get home) and Rebecca is making fun of me because I am sad. (BAD REBECCA! Can't you be nice to your sister?)

Isn't that just precious?  I think my favorite part is the drawing of a sad face, with the note attached saying "This is my face now."

Oh, the drama!

Mommy Bucks

My wife, the mother of my darling children, has essentially instituted a system of bribery in an effort to get the kids to behave in the way that she'd like.  I know, I know.  I can hear your sharp intakes of breath and the collective clucking of tongues as I write this.  However, I'm pretty sure all of you who are intaking your breath and doing the clucking of your tongues had your kids YEARS ago.  Kids today are far more trickier.  In the olden days, a simple threat of "Just WAIT 'til your dad gets home" was enough to straighten out most behavior, no matter how aggravating.  That doesn't work these days.  Between the much longer work hours (to take advantage of our overseas employees' time and running "lean") which frequently causes us dads to get home after the kids' bedtimes - or close to it, and the fact that our kids are networked to every OTHER kid in the WORLD via AIM, Facebook, and Texting...well, they have us trumped.  They are like "The Borg." They can now analyze and detect a threat when they hear one and immediately adapt the appropriate counter-measure.  Who's in YOUR network?

Also, my friend Melanie happens to be a psychologist and even she laments not being able to outsmart the kids.  I don't know all the details about psychology, and I'm pretty sure that when they go to psychology school they have to sign paper-work where they agree to not give away the secrets of the field.  Also, I believe that anytime someone starts getting close to discovering their secrets, one of the Psychologists writes a self-help book where they propose yet another way that you are not responsible for your problems...the masses are easily distracted by self-help books where things are not your fault...and the true secrets are safe for another 6 months!

However, and understand that this is just conjecture due to the secrecy surrounding psychology, I believe that it is possible for all psychologist to read your mind AND reprogram you through invisible rays they are able to emit from their eyes.  It's ALWAYS the eyes.  Never look a psychologist in the eyes unless you are CERTAIN they are on your side!

The point is, if a psychologist with brain reprogaming invisible eye rays admits that SHE can't outsmart her kids, WHY CAN WE NOT TRY BRIBERY!??!

I think I've made my point.

So, what my wife has come up with is a system of bribery she likes to call "Mommy Bucks."  She likes to call it this, because that is the name...plus she actually made up some "Mommy Bucks" that look like this:

That is one stylin' mommy on that bill!  The idea is that Dianne could award mommy bucks for unasked for good behavior.   The unasked part is key.  The bucks are awarded for things like cleaning something up without asking that doesn't belong to them, being exceptionally helpful to their sibling without being asked, taking care of a household need without asking, etc.   You get the idea.  At some point, an arbitrary number of mommy bucks (which have no cash value) can be exchanged for something.  For the youngest, this something is usually some trinket or toy that is slated for "giveaway/throwaway" in the attic.  Genius.  No expense, even!  This is taking "no cash value" to the next level!  For the oldest, well,  she's 13.  There is almost no chance of her ever getting a mommy buck.   We'll cross that bridge when we get there, I guess.  If it should happen, I'm guessing a trinket from the attic won't really cut it.

So, in one respect, the "Mommy Bucks" have worked out pretty good.  Rachel, the youngest, even tries to think of ways which might result in her gaining the coveted "Mommy Bucks."   Take this example from this morning:

Rachel:  Mom. I have a great idea for getting "Mommy Bucks!"

Dianne (Mom): Really. What is it this time?

Rachel: Everytime that you are practising the piano, and I don't BOTHER you, I could get a "Mommy Buck!"

Dianne:  But, yesterday when I was practising you were CONSTANTLY trying to interrupt me to tell me something.

Rachel:  I wanted to tell you about this "Mommy Buck" idea!

Gregg (Dad): (to Dianne) Ask her if she knows what irony is.

Dianne: (laughs, then, to Rachel) Do you know what irony is?

Rachel:  (ignoring Dianne's comment - of course) I said BOTHER you.  Telling you something important or something that is an emergency is still OK.

So, I guess that is a half-win, half-lose scenario.  Rachel's got the right idea, but we need to work on what constitutes "an important/emergency."

Top Ten Ways to Avoid Getting the Flu From Your Daughter

For the past four days, my oldest daughter Rebecca has been fighting the flu. I think it goes without saying that for the most part, we do not want to get the flu.  I say "for the most part", because I'd be lying if I didn't admit that at least once I was tempted to roll in a pile of use Kleenex as a way to get out of going to work!

So,making the assumption you don't actually want to do this, then here are some suggestions on how to avoid getting the flu from your daughter:

1. Sequester her in her room. Deliver food and drink by carefully pushing them to her from a great distance with a high quality stick.
2. Every twenty minutes, Lysol bomb the house.
3. Accept those "extra" assignments at work. As far as the family is concerned, they MUST be done "at" work.  It's everyone for themselves in these situations.
4. Rent an unused spacesuit from NASA.  Put daughter in suit.
5. If your daughter puts up too much of a fight for #4, rent enough suits for the REST of your family.  A procedural tip: make sure you understand how the astronauts handle "using the facilities" while in the suit.  This may make you want to look for another idea.
6. Rent the "Giant Inflatable Castle."  Install in your yard, move rest of family inside until the flu passes.  Remember, much like "the bubble boy", these have a positive air pressure that SHOULD keep the germs OUT.
7. Your daughter has a cell phone, right?  For the duration of the flu, all conversation will be conducted via texting or, gasp, an actual phone call.
8. Encase her assigned portion of the house in the full hazmat setup - like in E.T.
9. Live in your shower like Kramer did on Seinfeld. Dominoes delivers.
10. Tell the authorities you suspect your daughter has "Yellow Fever." They'll take care of the rest.

Parenting Success Story - The Proper Use of the Television

Saturday morning, we were all sitting around the table and eating some incredible Bisquick pancakes with strawberries ... AND BACON...when the conversation turned to how much money various things cost.  I think that my youngest daughter, Rachel, still doesn't quite "get" the concept that most of the money we spend is not spent by going to a store and picking something up!

So we started talking about all the things that we have to pay for in the house - like electricity, water, gas, phone, cell phones, DSL, insurance, cable TV, etc. etc. etc. All things that I suppose she thought the earth just delivered for us...like weeds.

After getting through this list and overcoming her amazement that we have to actually pay for all these things, we moved on to how MOST of the things we spent money on were actually luxuries.  Luxuries that we don't actually NEED to have to live - or even just get by.

I specifically mentioned that you could completely eliminate the TV and cable, for example, without having a single negative consequence...and quite possibly a few positive consequences.

Always the deep thinker, Rachel thought about this for a few minutes and then said, "Actually, some people use the TV for important things...like VIDEO GAMES!"

Hearing this statement, my heart swelled with pride! I had succeeded as a parent!  Rachel got it!

I was beaming! Are you hearing this Nintendo?

Minutes later, though, Rachel made the claim that she said that whole video game thing as a joke.  She thought it was hilarious that I agreed so whole-heartedly with the idea that an important use of the TV was video games. I suppose this means she couldn't think of an actual important use of the TV.

Either way, I'm counting this as a parenting success story.  Either my daughter AGREES with me about the proper use for TVs, or she is very good a coming up with jokes.

This is a win-win situation.

Life is good.

What Colors Make You Do

Last night, as we drove by the McDonald's near our home, my youngest daughter spoke up:

"Dad, did you know that yellow makes you hungry?"

"It does?"  This was interesting!

"Yes.  I just saw yellow, and now I'm hungry.  Yellow MAKES you hungry."  I was certain it was actually the McDonald's signs that made her hungry, but I thought I'd get her at her own game.  I had a follow-up question.

"Really? What does blue do?"

Without hesitation, she answered "It makes you have to go to the bathroom!"

"Who told you all of this?" I asked.

"I just figured it out myself," she replied in her matter-of-fact, seven year-old certainty.

Impressive.

"Actually, one of the choir kids told me about yellow, but it's true."   Well, OK, at least she figured out blue all by herself.

"What does black do?" I asked,  figuring I'd go through the list of basic colors.

"I don't know", she answered back.

"How about brown?"

"Nope. Don't know."

"What other colors DO you know?"

"Um, just yellow and blue, I guess."

"Oh."  I was disappointed.  I figured there was an interesting and informative post in here somewhere.

"WAIT!"  She said from the back seat. "I know what red is!!!"

"What?" I asked.

"It's love.  That's it. Red is love."

And so it is.

Explaining Math to a First Grader

We were on our way back home from a long dance class, where my daughter spent two hours dancing to "The Stray Cat Strut", for an upcoming dance recital.

"Dad", said Rachel, my first grader, "let's play a quiz game!"

"OK", I said, "let's hear it."

"What's the most beautiful part of St. Louis?"

"Shaw's Garden", I said, giving the local name for the Missouri Botanical Gardens.

"WRONG!", Rachel said, "The answer is 'The City.' "

Hey, she's urban, OK?  Plus, it's hard to argue with that statement, from my perspective.

This went on for seven or eight other random "questions."  I was almost always "wrong", even when I was right. I wish I had a mental recording of the conversation so I could use more examples, but I'm senile, so they are gone!

"Let's try another one", she said.

"OK," I said.  I wasn't going anywhere.

"What is eleven times zero?

"It's zero!" I answered.

"Really?", she said, "because I really don't know multiplication."

"Yep", I said, "multiplication is really just about groups of things.  So you asked me how many of something I would have if I had zero groups of eleven."

"Oh", she said.

"So", I asked her, "what would three times two be?"

"Hmmm", she thought, as she climbed out of the car, "six?"

"That's right! I said."

"I get it", Rachel said.

And just like that, she understands multiplication.

Super Bowl Surprise

My wife and I aren't exactly sports fans.  In fact, I think I found out Friday or Saturday of last week that Sunday was "Super Bowl Sunday."  No, I'm not kidding.  I suppose if I ever watched network TV, or read the sports portion of the news websites I visit, I would have known this!

So, we didn't exactly have plans for Sunday afternoon.  I bought some turnips on Animal Crossing (the only day you can make PURCHASES in the stalk market - It's VERY important), and then my youngest daughter and I took off to do some CD shopping.  She was on a quest for "The Stray Cat Strut" and I'm never opposed to browsing music.  My wife was off to Home Depot to get some paint and painting supplies.  My oldest daughter, Rebecca, was at home being  teenager.  For her, this means she was probably sitting in a chair, phone open to handle all the texting needs, along with AIM and Facebook up on the computer.  It's also possible that she was editing self-portraits for the same.

As you can see, the "Super Bowl" was NOT on our minds, nor had we been discussing it around the house.

Well, after successfully scoring the Stray Cats CD Rachel wanted, Rachel and I took my wife's car to the car wash, and also stopped at Target for some pet supplies.  While we were in Target, Rachel indicated to me that she had a surprise for us at home.  I asked her what the surprise was, to which she replied, "I can't tell you - it's a surprise!"

I didn't think too much of this, as she is ALWAYS making things for people and giving gifts away and her pending surprise actually left my mind. Later in the afternoon, she came downstairs where I was ripping CDs (including the new Stray Cats!) for the family iPod collection (clearly, we are into music!) and told me to close my eyes and follow her.

Then she took off, totally forgetting to lead me to the final destination. After a number of nearly horrific collisions, I finally made my way to the living room where she told me to open my eyes.

She had a whole picnic area laid out including Dr. Pepper, Cheese-Its, and pretzels.  Additionally, there were Christmas lights strung over the TV - nothing says "party" like Christmas lights at our house! - and the Super Bowl was on TV!

Rachel also had "Super Bowl Sunday" signs taped up all over the walls...and other decorations which didn't necessarily relate to the Super Bowl and weren't as easy to figure out.  So, naturally, my wife and I had to watch the Super Bowl for at least a little bit...then we started asking if she'd prefer to watch a movie or play a game.  She thought that this was extremely funny (as she knows we aren't interested in sports) and wanted to "blog" about it.  (That's right, the 7-year old wants a blog.  It's going to happen. Be afraid). 

We eventually ended up eating our snacks and playing a couple of games of "Sorry!"

It was the best Super Bowl party I've ever been invited to!